A tongue twister - English Witches

We’d like to present to you a funny tongue twister in English about witches. You’ll be able to challenge your English pronunciation skills with it.

This tongue twister comes in three difficulties (medium, complex and almost impossible) and describes three witches that acquire new features along with the difficulty of the tongue twister. We invite you to try each level of difficulty and let us know if you manage to complete the last one!

Medium difficulty
Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which Swatch watch?

Complex difficulty
Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch?

Almost impossible difficulty
Three Swedish switched witches watch three Swiss Swatch watch switches. Which Swedish switched witch watch which Swiss Swatch watch switch?

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Dictionary with ‘real’ British translation

British people are known for being very polite when speaking and expressing themselves. However, those who learn English and come from societies that use a more 'direct' way of communicating can misunderstand the message being transmitted.

The following is a list of examples (includes humour) that explains what a British person says, what they mean and what others understand from such expressions.

Table 1: Dictionary with ‘real’ British translation

What the British say	What the British mean	What others understand
I hear what you say	I disagree and do not want to discuss it further	He accepts my point of view
With the greatest respect...	I think you are an idiot	He is listening to me
That's not bad	That's good	That's poor
That is a very brave proposal	You are insane	He thinks I have courage
Quite good	A bit disappointing	Quite good
I would suggest...	Do it or be prepared to justify yourself	Think about the idea, but do what you like
Oh, incidentally / by the way	The primary purpose of our discussion is...	That is not very important
I was a bit disappointed that	I am annoyed that	It doesn't really matter
Very interesting	That is clearly nonsense	They are impressed
I'll bear it in mind	I've forgotten it already	They will probably do it
I'm sure it's my fault	It's your fault	Why do they think it was their fault?
You must come for dinner	It's not an invitation, I'm just being polite	I will get an invitation soon
I almost agree	I don't agree at all	He's not far from agreement
I only have a few minor comments	Please re-write completely	He has found a few typos
Could we consider some other options	I don't like your idea	They have not yet decided

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Joke - Consultants

I received today an email with the following joke. I found it so funny that I decided to share it on the blog. If you are familiar with the consultancy work, you’ll probably find this joke very funny.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Hugo Boss suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The young guy parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as he stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant," says the shepherd.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap about my business...."

" ... now give me back my dog."

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The Weekly Review - Who Knows What?

For a non-native speaker it could be complicated to practise a foreign language out of the classroom or study area. One must bear in mind that one of the fundamental bases in order to learn and familiarize yourself with a language is to be in daily or frequent contact with it. For this reason, LP Method has created an online newspaper called The Weekly Review, which has the main aim of bringing the English language to its students in a more dynamic and fun way.

As one can notice, The Weekly Review is divided into different zones.

Culture Vulture: A part on general knowledge which aims to expand our horizons on topics such as History, Art, Geography and Music.

This section can be very useful in order to understand that a language is not only a group of symbols and letters but a culture as well.

Grammar Under the Hammer: A perfect section to practise and to clarify any doubts one may have concerning grammar. This part is addressed to all levels of students (even to native English speakers!)

Learning and using some phrasal verbs, for instance, might result a little complicated for non-native English speakers. In this section not only will these verbs be defined but students will be provided with some examples in order to clarify any doubts they may have.

A good example would be ‘to egg on’. This phrasal verb means to cheer somebody up, especially when competing against an opponent. To clarify its meaning even more, it could be very useful to read the suggested examples on the webpage. However, it could be even more enriching if one personally tries to come up with another example: ‘I was egging my sister on all the time while she was competing against her friend’.

Think Language: This last section is created to be a little bit critical with the language. Particularly when being in front of a language that has got many verbal forms for different language contexts.

For example, the sentences ‘If Lara phones I will let you know/If Lara phones I am going to let you know’ would be translated into Spanish, for example, with the same verb tense: Si Lara llama te lo haré saber. However, analysing further, it can be noticed that in English the meaning of both sentences change. In the first one, the verb ‘will’ is used as to make an offer, and in the second sentence the verb ‘be going to’ gives a sense of intention to the sentence.

Other sections, Smile for a While for example, bring some humour to English and its culture. Every week some jokes will be posted in order to make the users smile.

Last but not least, there is a section dedicated to words and foreign expressions, especially focused on Latin. It must not be forgotten that many of the words in English have a Latin origin. A good example of this could be the word miracle, which originates from the Latin word miraculum.

To sum up, thanks to The Weekly Review one can learn English from very different perspectives that can be very useful for those who want to learn a language with a rich vocabulary and culture.

Visit The Weekly Review to improve and practice your English!

This guest post has been contributed by LP Method. LP Method is an English course online which programmes your brain in such a way that you will no longer have to think before talking or writing in English, thus improving your fluency. Sign up now!

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I love Irish humour - Apartment to let in Dublin city centre

Irish people are known for being very social and friendly. They certainly are and they also have very good sense of humour.

To put you in context for this joke, daft.ie is Ireland's no. 1 property website. Taking advantage of the latest snows in Dublin, Mr Plow has decided to let his apartment for just 57€ per week.



This studio is available immediately and its specifications are quite interesting:

Deceptively spacious open plan unfurnished studio in one of Dublin's top locations.

Carbon neutral, hand crafted Inuit design, beautiful ambient light leading to rooftop garden. The studio comfortably sleeps five.

Pets allowed, no parking.

Short term lease for is available the month of December. Owner is interested in selling if market warms up:

• Central heating
• Pets allowed
• Wheelchair access

Visit datf.ie to see the full property ad (and learn related vocabulary in English)

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ESLjokes.net - Learn Vocabulary and Grammar through Jokes

ESLjokes.net is one of those websites to learn English online that truly amazes you. The idea of this online resource is simple: it teaches different grammar lessons and key vocabulary through jokes. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

There are currently around 50 jokes organized according to the level of the student: Elementary, Pre-intermediate, Intermediate and Upper intermediate / Advanced.

ESLjokes.net is an excellent Web page for students because it allows studying English through jokes at the same time have some fun. Every joke contains a grammar explanation along with exercises to reinforce the acquisition of new grammar rules.

Teachers can also benefit from this wonderful online resource by printing out jokes and exercises as worksheets for the students. Using a joke as an educational tool will for sure make classes more enjoyable.

Visit ESLjokes to discover its wonderful jokes!

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Joke - One for the Married Folk among you

Doctor was addressing a large audience in Cork.

'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,

'Wedding Cake.'

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Friday afternoon humour

A good joke to welcome the weekend! :)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

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